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Make Yourself A Priority

     The older I get the more I wish that I would have started this process sooner. As a Virgo I am an empathetic and hardworking individual. These are natural traits of a caregiver. It's in my nature to help others. I make sure that everyone else is taken care of. I go above and beyond for others and leave my needs high and dry. One thing that I struggle with is being a perfectionist. This is a catastrophe when it comes to making myself a priority. I end up over analyzing what my priorities actually are. I overthink and trick myself into believing that I'm selfish for wanting certain things or for taking time to do the things that I enjoy.

     Making yourself a priority is way harder than it seems. There are many components that come into play such as past relationships, confidence, emotional scars, personality traits and even your current relationships. 

     Take a look at your average working day. What do you spend the majority of your time doing? A lot of our jobs are customer service related meaning that we spend most of our day trying to make others happy. It's not easy making people happy and this is something that can have a major impact on our mental health. We have all had a bad day at work before. Someone may have said something that upset you, you ended up leaving later than you normally do, someone did something wrong and you have to get them in trouble and the list goes on. When you get home all you can think about is how terrible your day was. You spend valuable you time thinking about something you can't change. Some people lose sleep over this, get into arguments with their spouse and even neglect their children. Take some time for yourself when you get home. Read a book, have a bath, do a face mask, watch your favourite show, cook yourself a fancy meal, enjoy a glass of wine, do whatever makes you feel good. Don't let one bad thing ruin your whole day and mood, especially while you are at home in your safe zone. Don't take things personally and choose how you project your emotions. Making yourself a priority affects all your relationships, not only the one with yourself. 

     Learning to say no is one of the hardest things you can do. A lot of self grief and stress can be avoided by simply saying no. If you don't want to do something just say no. If there is a task you don't think you can handle, just say no. Taking on too much is flat out the easiest way to disrespect yourself. You end up suffering in silence and it's not fair. You are not making yourself a priority when you take on too much. You need to remember that it's not your job to take on other people's problems, fears and suffering. No your limits and save yourself from a front row seat to the guilt party. After a while you become weak and essentially useless to others but more importantly you become useless to yourself. You forget who you are and what you want and you become a slave to others. 

     Toxic relationships are the perfect storm for not allowing yourself to be a priority. In a relationship there is always one person projecting more love than they are receiving back. This is a huge mistake. When you look at this situation you would think that the person sending out all the love is the person that's making themself a priority but it's actually the opposite. This person is projecting love in hopes that they will get the same love in return. They are trying to validate love but instead they should be harnessing it for themselves. It's very cliché but true, you need to fully love yourself before any romantic relationship can function properly. Now this sounds like I'm saying don't be affectionate or send love to your partner, that's not the case. What I am saying is that you need to be selfish by fully understanding your needs and wants. You can project love towards your partner but only after you have given yourself love first. Make your happiness the priority and your relationships will take care of themselves. 

     There is no step by step to making yourself a priority. Everyone's process is going to be different. You are unique, so find what works for you. I'm telling you this now because I wish that I would have come to this realization much sooner. I used to spend so much of my time caught up in toxic relationships, drama and knocking myself down. Almost all the decisions that I made in the past were for the benefit of others. I had a lot of self doubt and I was extremely self conscious. I now know that there is great power in making yourself a priority. If you work on this each day your mind, body and soul will thank you. 

 Xx. The Stressed Out Millennial 

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