From reading the title of this blog post you’ve probably guessed it, I’ve got a big nose. This blog post is not meant for me to gain sympathy from you folks but more to raise awareness in regards to self esteem and confidence.
I am a little upset. When I was originally writing this post the system that I use to write auto-saved after I hit undo on something and my entire post got DELETED (sad Jess). I truly hope that I was able to get everything brought over from my previous attempt at this post. Enough with my drama-lama and enjoy!
I got my big nose from my dad's side of the family. My dad has a big nose and so does my grandma. Actually I think that quite a few of us on that side of the family have rather large noses. It’s not just the size of our noses that are different from others but rather the shape. The actual term for the shape of my nose is roman, hook or aquiline. This shape is looked at as different or unwanted within society today. According to google noses that are 104-108 degrees in their orientation are the most beautiful (let’s just say this girl does not have that lol).
I was about eleven years old when I noticed that my nose was larger than others my age. It took me a while to grow into my nose so to speak. Back in high school my nose was more prominent than it is now. Eventually my face matured and everything evened out better.
I remember a specific time back in grade seven when I was on recess duty and this one little sh*t came up to me and said that I had a big nose and that I looked like a witch. Kids are so blunt and say whatever comes to their mind. Let me tell you those words really cut deep because back then I didn’t have as thick of skin as I do now.
Back in high school I overheard a boy in the hall (I will not mention any names but I remember who you are) call me a butterface. Butterface is a slang term meaning an individual (usually a woman) has an attractive body but less attractive facial features. Hearing all these comments at such a young age made me feel unworthy, different and ugly. It didn’t matter how many times I was told that I was pretty, those nasty comments were the ones that stuck around in the back of my mind. Some of these comments were even made by my family in a joking manner and they thought it was okay because they were well … family. The older I got the fewer comments I heard pertaining to the size of my nose. Adults tend to not make comments like this (well to your face).
Comments linked to my nose don’t really bother me as much as when I was younger. I know that I have come a long way in terms of growth but I am still healing. I will probably be healing from this childhood trauma for years to come. Feelings and insecurities are REAL and the longer I avoided dealing with them the more insecure I became. People are always going to try and make their problems or insecurities seem more important than yours but just because someone is going through some hard sh*t too that doesn’t mean that your feelings and trauma are any less important! People that make these nasty comments towards others are suffering from trauma that occurred at one point in their own lives. They project their insecurities by making rude comments in hopes to take attention off of themselves.
I now know that the appearance of my nose doesn’t determine my worth. Appearance is something that is highly ranked in my values list (Virgo energy hi how are ya?). Not only my physical appearance but how others perceive me. This blog post has probably triggered many of your personal insecurities without me specifically pointing them out. We are all so hard on ourselves and we're our own hardest critics. This is a prime example of why we should be kind to others (being kind is cool). You never know when you could trigger someone's emotional trauma.
Try to remember that confidence is not just thinking that you are beautiful. Confidence is being able to see the beauty in others and lifting them up instead of bringing them down the rabbit hole with you and all your emotional burdens.
Sending lots of love in these testing times. Be safe and until next time!
Xx. The Stressed Out Millennial
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